Well hello Noirgossip readers… for those into the A Day in the Life series, here I am with another edition, sharing my thoughts on relationships and sex from a female with Sickle Cell Anemia’s point of view.

For those living with any lifelong illness, I’m sure you can relate when I say that it is hard to find a partner who will accept someone with a debilitating illness and all the moods and issues that may come along because of it.  It takes a special person to be capable of handling or wanting to help someone who feels the least bit helpless about their situation from day to day.

As for me, my Sickle Cell has held me back to opening up to men in relationships as I felt I already was not perfect. It has also pushed away great guys who could not handle my illness for longterm, or take me and my lack of handling stress well, my emotions from time to time from the pain, and so forth.  My m.o. was and still has been to work to keep a guy happy because of my own lack of self esteem within myself, because of my disease.  I have been both physically and mentally weak at the same time and have tried time and time again to make up for this by doing almost anything for the man I was with in order to keep them.  Seems like every time I’ve done this I’ve ended up on the short end of the stick, as people would notice my openness and take advantage of it, only to leave me with a broken heart each time.  Sometimes I have had my illness thrown back at me during disagreements even.  ” Well if you weren’t sick… I’m not a babysitter…  I cant check on you all the time… all you think about is yourself”  etc.  I am constantly trying to reevaluate myself and am working on becoming more confident in my own skin so that I don’t automatically have to look for attention from my significant other when in pain or discouraged anymore.  But, I view my life a little bit different than the average healthy person.  When I love, I love with all I have.  I feel as if I’m on the clock and I don’t have much time.  I doubt seriously that I will live to be 60, 70 or 80 years old.  I dont feel I have the luxury of taking my time with having kids, getting married, or being happy.  I yearn for those family oriented things in my mind all the time because my health can change quickly and without notice.

Concerning sex, this is a delicate matter. Like menstrual cycles for me, sex can sometimes end up with excruciating pain.   For those who don’t know, when your aroused, your heart rate rises.  Your blood rushes through your bloodstream… those sickled cells that were fine before are now moving all around getting caught up and stuck in places they don’t need to be.  The sweating and action of moving all around makes you work out even more and dehydrates you also.  Before you know it you are calling on a crises, giving it the key to come in the door. It doesn’t happen every time, and  Ive never had to go to the hospital because of it, but I have had alot crises after making love, usually peaking 30 mins or so after it is all done.  Imagine being in ecstasy one moment and having chills and horrible pains from all your joints and bones in the next…ummmm,  not a good look.  A tip for the mates, if you see your girlfriend or boyfriend in pain then just stop.  We dont want to keep going and fight through it.  Seriously, you cant fathom to know how bad the pain feels.  Be attentive to them instead.

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